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My Yellow Jackets took another victory yesterday against Clemson. It was a great game (one of the best all year honestly because something actually happened). It was a solid win, but per usual this morning ESPN can only report that we won because their QB got hurt and they had to put in the second string (whoapos;s only second because their head coach that got fired last week benched him), their coach was just an interim coach who didnapos;t really know what he was doing, and you know they had another major player injured.

Seriously. This is ridiculous. Weapos;re 6-1 with three conference wins (Duke, Boston College and now Clemson) and the one team we lost to was a close loss and last night BC beat them (which helps us out). Could we get just a little bit of credit for being a good team this year?

The article about the game even says "Tigers Fall" on the ACC pop up and the title of the article is "Clemson, new coach Swinney suffer emotional loss to Ga. Tech." What about GT mauls the Tigers? or GT takes another conference win? This is crap.

We currently have the best overall record in our conference and the best conference record. And yet we get no love. No recognition that we are having a really good year. Fuck we probably wonapos;t even end up ranked this week.

*grrrrr*
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Talenttime is like whutttttttttt.
The school should really upgrade.
Like...
NOW.
And the PA people should really wait til everything is okay then they start.
Selfish
Hehheh.
We got Second.
Not happy with it but the duo that won first totally deserved it.
CANapos;T THERE BE 2 NO.1?
MM1111
omg.
Hell yeah.
They are 2good4you.
They are both in chapel band.
And why didnapos;t anyone tell me that Malcolm can freaking sing?
WL.
(He can sing wayyyy better than joelchan)

Shhhh.
Too bad they donapos;t come for practice.
Maybe he can melt Wendyapos;s heart
Hahaha

He didnapos;t melt mine.
Cause my heartapos;s made of stone.
TEHTEHTEH.
(:
Brb

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I have to get back to my inner life. That secret place of intimacy with God through Christ. I do not know how or when it happened, but I have been removed from it and began replacingit with ACTIVITY� and there the root of bitterness sprang and now I wonder how I have endangered others. My spiritual life is very weird right now.

I lack joy.
Church has become my primary source of stress.
I neither feel completely in place or at home at church.
I envy those that love their church and what they do for the Lord.
I wish I could do what I love too.

Writing this makes me want to cry right now, but if I start I may never finish the entry. Let me get to the point. Almost everthing I have done at said place of worship has been because I felt pressure from leadership and in an effort not to disappoint or "look bad" (e.g. Lazy, unconcerned) I have said "yes" to many things I would have rather said "no" to. I have tried to be humble and respond to a need (the famous saying goes, "Find a need and fill it."). Deep down, however, there is no love in my heart for it.

I feel like an awkward adolescent again - running a trial and error on various types of ministerial work, trying to figure out what Iapos;m good at. Where I belong. I feel like a lost child. I feel like people want to reach out and help me but donapos;t know how. And I donapos;t know HOW to help them help me either. At once I donapos;t want their help but I do. I cry alone at home when no one is around. Hot heavy tears that stick like glue to my cheeks and chin. I lower my head in grief and donapos;t even have the words to pray before God. My tears are my prayers. My wails are my song.

But I also dance in secret. I daydream about it. I hear a song and almost immediately envision choreography. Whatapos;s that about Jesus? What is that about? In those moments I remember these things.

1. You, Lord, are wonderful.
2. Nothing thatapos;s ever hurt me matters.
3. You, Lord, are wonderful.
4. I am alive.

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Finally. After nearly three weeks in the clinic, Tosh was being allowed to leave to go back to the hotel. She had very specific instructions to take it easy for the following three weeks, but she could do things like... Enjoy the fresh air. It seemed like forever since she had smelt it. It had been around a month.

She one handedly packed up her things, her right arm still in a cast. That would be on for another week. The rest of her injuries were gradually healing - though the mental ones would take longer.

"Iapos;ve been looking forward to this all week," she commented to Owen.

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Ooh How much do I�love my Lilapos; Wayne Lots, and lots. I still havenapos;t had an actual conversation with my husband. Oh well. Hopefully, tonight. If not, oh well. Tomorrowapos;s another day? I�guess thatapos;s an appropriate cliche for the night. Mhm Uh.. Today, was nice. Iapos;m pretty sure Kaleapos;s ready to get married. Like, now. Bahahaha. And, Iapos;m pretty sure Mariaapos;s mad at me. And I�miss Antonn. Oh, and what else.. Uh, danceapos;s tomorrow? Tyeah. apos;Kay, well. I guess this isnapos;t as fabulous as people make it seem. You know, Iapos;ve decided. People with really interesting, depressing lives are meant to be doing these type things. Not myself. But, you know, I�donapos;t care. Iapos;m going to what I want, mudduh fuckuh. Yeah, well, not really. That minus the ghetto, I guess. I really want to go see an Obama rally. Like.. Goddamn. Why wonapos;t he come rally in Chicago, for Christ sake? Erawrh, hopefully, he will. And hopefully, Iapos;ll forget the password to this LiveJournal.

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This is an old idea that's been around for a long time.� It's been pretty well discounted as too simplistic, but ... It's baaaaack.� For a really interesting, inspiring, brief talk, check out neuro-scientist Jill Bolte's Taylor's description of her stroke on TED.com.� (I love Ted)

There's also an interesting talk of the difference between conservatives and liberals, which I've shown to my
Academic classes because what distinguishes the two ideoogies is the same characteristics that distinguish Classicists from Romantics.� Bottom line:� Classicists/Conservatives want Security (at the expense of Community and Romantics/Liberals want Community� at the excpense of Security.

it's an intereting thought.� Liberals want to lift the whole world to a equal playing field.� Romantics want everyone to join the party and dance.� Conservatives want to Enforce the rules (of the Constitution) even if that means some people get left out of the American dream.� Classicists want to celebrate the best of the best in the game we call "Technique"� which excludes those dancers who don't have perfect turnout, skinny bodies, long necks and highly arched feet.

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Blahhhhh Iapos;m so damn emotional.

My mom came with me to my appointment today, thank God. I wasnapos;t sure if she was working or not, but she wasnapos;t, so she gladly came with. I felt that much better having someone I love and who loves me there with me, even though itapos;s reaaaaally not that huge of a deal. Escept for in the hospital, that was my last cervical exam everrrrrr (minus yearly GYN visits of course). Woot.

Um... Induction is all set up. For 7:30 AM Wednesday, October 22nd. You have to be up two hours prior. 5-freaking-30.

I hope I deliver before then. Iapos;m okay with the induction, Iapos;ve said it before, but I still hope I go on my own. Even Dr. Pluszinsky said he really hopes I go on my own.

Iapos;m stressed either way though because labor is labor and I have 7 days or less before I have to do this. I know Iapos;ll be fine but I still just... Dah.

I cried (againnnnnnnn) on my way home because I fricken miss my mom and dad and brother. Especially my mom. I was telling her before I left that Iapos;m also kind of not ready for this because I still need my mom. And she said "But you do still have me, you havenapos;t lost me Iapos;ll take care of you" Seriously... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Thatapos;s half the reason I cried too is I was so touched and all OMG I love my mom Because I do. We have our problems now and then and certain things about her of course bug me, but my mom isnapos;t horrible, and sheapos;s a very sane woman compared to my MIL. And sheapos;s just my mom. But everything Iapos;ve always loved my mom for is what I missed the second I left her tonight. So I cried.

These are just very trying times emotionally because on the one hand Iapos;ve reached my ropeapos;s end with this pregnancy (and in a few hours my due date), and on the other hand itapos;s like oh my gosh this is almost over and the only way it can be over is more trying times. It will take patience and strength. Which I know Iapos;ll find somehow when the time comes but itapos;s hard to find now. And itapos;s a big change, and itapos;s a big thing period. So itapos;s just... Wow. Iapos;m so glad theyapos;ll all be there though, and Iapos;m going to let them in there Iapos;ve decided until things get really intense or itapos;s time to push or before if itapos;s bad enough. But theyapos;ll be there, and I have to say Iapos;m actually very glad that theyapos;ll be there in the room. And Iapos;m glad that no matter what Florian will be there.

Do I feel better than this morning? Yes, somewhat. But partially Iapos;m stull frustrated, and definitely still exhausted, and Iapos;m afraid Iapos;m going to lose more sleep tonight. And Iapos;m out of Benadryl, and Florian doesnapos;t have any cash, and I didnapos;t think to get any while I was in Dearborn. :( dlrijtlerjtlewtjenrlkt My cocoa butter is only somewhat working, but it works even less than the Benadryl. I need to figure out how to do that oatmeal bath thing without a food processor.

Anyway I guess Iapos;ll lie down or something? Iapos;m right here in bed with the laptop, might browse for a bit, but either way Iapos;m taking it easy.

I guess even the night before my due date Sons of Anarchy takes precidence over me. I was kind of hoping heapos;d want to just be with me. But Lord knows if he doesnapos;t do it on his own Iapos;m not going to beg for him to do what obviously isnapos;t first priority.
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